Today again she chose long flannel trousers over a pleated burgundy tartan skirt, she picked a pale blue striped shirt over a plain white button-down shirt. Instead of tying her hair with ribbons and clips She trimmed her hair and cropped it at the sides to make her look like a boy. Instead of rubbing in powder, she smeared her face with kajal to hide her unblemished glowing skin behind the darkened and flaky facade.
Kamla’s hand trembled while holding the scissors to trim her daughter’s hair as she felt jittery inside. Her heart quivered while making her wear a boy’s black lace shoes again.
A sign of discomfort escaped her face as her mind didn’t approve of what she was doing but in her heart, she knew what was she doing was right for her and her daughter.
Kamala dressed her daughter like a boy. She disguised and presented Aruna as his son “Arun”. Today again she hid her daughter’s identity behind the appearance of a boy.
Occupied in her thoughts she came out of reverie when a boy called out Arun’s name to rush for the school.
A sense of uneasiness struck Aruna, with a doleful face she looked at her mother and left for school straight away.
In school also Aruna was facing difficulty coping with the boy’s sports and activities. Whenever a sport needing much power and stamina came up she drew herself out. Her stomach twisted in knots when she kicked the ball hard and higher. She abstained from those activities and stayed aloof and detached from others. Some boys mocked her making girly excuses and this would pierce her heart deeply.
She had intimated her mother about her intermittent pain but Kamla would give her pills and console her that she would be alright in some time.
But why was Kamla doing this to her daughter?
Why was she behaving weirdly?
The reason behind her disposition lay in her past.
The incident that happened to her years ago was still fresh in her mind. It turned out to be the deadliest night for her when three masked men forced themselves brutally on her. She begged for her life. She implored them to let her go, but those set of beasts ignored her plea, pounced on her, ripped her skin, scratched her from head to toe and ended up doing what they wanted.
The scars on her body were erased but the wounds on her soul were still not healed.
The trio mercilessly robbed her of her dignity and honour and left her lying lifeless and injured on the ground. Though she had recognized them and filed a complaint against them but being from an affluent and political family their heinous crime could not be proved and they roamed freely, audaciously and boldly than ever before like untamed and uncontrolled bulls.
Kamla could never lead a normal life ever again. Petrified by the incident she presented her daughter as her son in society to ensure her security and safety. To ensure her safe return home whenever she is outside. So that she doesn’t become the victim of a perverted mind that is always on the lookout for such girls who are alone and or travelling late at night.
Being alone and traumatized by what she had been through, she made her daughter look like a boy.
One day while Kamla was sitting and chatting with her neighbour Neema over a cup of tea, her daughter came home running, holding her stomach. She cried as she experienced a surge of pain in her lower abdomen.
Why don’t you take him to the doctor, Neema asked taking a swig of tea. He has complained about his pain earlier also. She knew she couldn’t take her to the doctor or else people would know the secret about her daughter so she averted her question and sent her off.
After Neema was gone she made her daughter lie down, sat beside her and caressed her hair. She gave her medicine but today she was also scared and nervous inside thinking she couldn’t avoid what was going to happen.
When she opened her eyes in the morning, tears started flowing from her eyes. The thing she feared the most had happened.
Aruna was grumbling in pain, she felt stiffness in her body and her stomach was still twisting.
The bedsheet was covered with blood stains. She was at her wit’s end, worried that her daughter’s secret would now be exposed.
But more than that, she was apprehensive about her daughter’s safety, who would protect her from those monsters who prey on lonely and innocent girls, who would guarantee her safety when she returns home alone after dark?
Who will protect her from the acid attackers who roam freely on the streets and are not afraid to carry out their work in public places?
Who would safeguard her from sexual harassment that transpires at the workplace now and then?
Who will save her from being taunted and tormented at their in-law’s house in the name of dowry that has become more of a rule than an exception?
As a mother, she felt entangled in the web of fear, helplessness and anguish. Hit by deep emotional turmoil and thought of insurmountable odds she cursed the day she gave birth to her daughter.