Today I could manage to make only khichdi, I pushed a plate of the cold, insipid, and wishy-washy khichdi in his direction that I had made for my kids and went to bed to tend my children.
After working for 10 relentless hours at the office without eating, the sight of this flavorless meal was enough to get him on his nerves.
But he gobbled it down without uttering a word.
I am not able to find my clothes on time and I get delayed at the office every day. Can you just take a little time out and organize my messy wardrobe? He requested in his feeble voice.
I shrugged my shoulder in disbelief, belittling him for his expectation from a sleep-deprived and worn-out mother of two small nippers.
Our “we time” time had probably taken a nosedive. On weekends when he got little time to respite and offered us to take outside for a movie and dinner I diligently turned it down despising him for being so insensitive. How do you think with two little kids we will be able to stay outside for that long? Their urge to frequently drink water and visit the washroom will not let me sit in peace let alone eat my food. It will be more of a mess than fun.
All he wanted was to make us cheerful and change my fluctuating mood swings.
Can you make Kaju Masala today, he urged? it has been ages since I ate it. It was his all-time favorite veg curry.
It will be too much on their tiny stomach and I don’t have enough strength in my limbs to stand for long in the kitchen to make two different dishes to fulfill your request, I hastily added.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t make it, I just chose not to make it because I didn’t give it enough importance.
Those times when any of my kids fell sick we both stayed up the whole night tending and taking care of them. In the morning when he felt a little better we trio would go to sleep but my husband woke up, being mindful of not disturbing us would leave for the office without having tea or breakfast.
My grocery cart would be filled with more items that my kids liked or that I thought were healthy for them and less of items that my husband liked. I almost stopped taking care of his choice and liking. But he never whined or showed a little frustration.
The duo kept me on my toes that I could not give my husband enough time that he was rightful for but he never moaned about it and encouraged me to take care of the kids consistently and asserted that they were our first priority.
My mind was always engaged in thoughts like I was making all the sacrifices and adjustments for the upbringing of our children and he was having all the fun in the world. How ignorant and silly I was to think like that. His tiny, big, and small sacrifices always went overlooked and unnoticed. He worked extra hours to get promoted and added a few extra bucks to his salary to make our life comfortable and worry-free.
How novice I was not to acknowledge those adjustments, When l look back my heart feels a sharp pang of guilt. It was he who provided the wind beneath my wings throughout my journey of motherhood.